The path towards healing our old conditioned patterns is never easy. In the beginning it is unconscious, you may feel low vibration emotions and you simply react in the old ways you are used to. Then, you start realizing that the longer you feel the anger, pain, guilt, blame, the harder it is to let go and find peace within. You start wondering, did my old pattern get me to a place of happiness or pain? Does it truly help me in my spiritual growth or it simply delay my process towards a higher consciousness?
The next step in this reflection process is to observe each emotion when it comes up, and observe your natural way of responding to it. You will be surprised to see that you don't respond, but you react. When you react in your old ways, it brings you even more pain; you can witness your body retracting, your light dimming, your anxiety increasing, your heart becoming heavier and so on. Your soul has been disguised by your own demeaning thought pattern that creates each emotion that you are experiencing. Now you are so angry with yourself for going there that this energy is searching for a channel to manifest itself. The wisdom of the body knows that its self healing properties can be fully achieved once you let this energy flow out of your body, you can't repress it because it needs to be expressed in order to heal. What are the ways you can do that?
There are many possibilities here, but before you can explore the ways, you need to remember to catch yourself at that very moment of reacting.
Your old pattern will like to tell you it has a single self, and that this self is stronger than your will power or your essence.
It is not, and it will not be for as long as you bring awareness into your responsiveness.
The best way personally that I have dealt with my old conditioned patterns was to hear the voice of my emotion speaking loud, let it talk and express itself, take few deep breaths putting most of your attention to your breathing, close your eyes. Let the tears come if they have to, try not to repress anything that comes up. Start watching. Suddenly the voice of ego will become lower and start fading, when that happens you will hear your true voice, the voice of your soul. This is a much calmer, wiser voice that will give you images, signs, words to guide you. Practice allowing that voice to come forth. Practice listening attentively to your true voice. Allow transformation to follow.
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